Running Head: Divorced Parents’ Communication

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Divorced Parents’ Co-Parental Communication Effectiveness and Reason for Divorce

Lauren Erickson

Southern Utah University

 

 

Introduction

            “Approximately 1,914,400 men and women and 15,000,000 children (most of them younger than eight years of age) are affected by divorce each year” (Taylor, 2005, p. 1). Divorce is becoming increasingly common. Therefore, studying divorce is vital due to the number of people it affects each year. Divorced parents who share custody of a child must adjust to divorce, especially in co-parenting their child. According to Ahrons and Rodgers (1995) there are strong detrimental influences on children when there is a lot of conflict between former spouses (as cited in Afifti & Schrodt, 2001, p. 142). Therefore, one way to reduce conflict is to have more effective communication. Thus, studying effective communication of divorced parents’ co-parenting is vital to helping parents become more effective communicators. This in turn will lead to less conflict and reduce the harmful effects on the children of divorce. Studying different factors that may affect divorced parents’ communication could allow us to predict patterns in co-parental communication. One of these factors could be the primary reason for divorce. If parents knew how effective their communication was predicted to be based on the reason they got divorced, they could put forth effort to ensure effective communication.

            First I will review previous literature studied about divorced parents’ communication. The common patterns found were the emotional involvement in divorce, effective communication strategies, motivations of parents, conflict, and communication satisfaction.

The method I will use to conduct this research is a structured interview so that we can identify correlation patterns while still getting the optimal amount of information. There will be questions asked of each participant with further explanation or follow-up questions as necessary. The participants will ideally be divorced parents’ who share custody of at least one child under the age of 18.

Literature Review

            Due to the increase in divorce, it is an important topic to study. Every divorce in which ex-spouses must co-parent their children requires some amount of communication. Due to the complexity of divorce, there are numerous factors that play into this central co-parental communication. Effective communication is one of the most important factors for divorced parents when co-parenting. Despite the wide variety of divorce circumstances, people want to have effective communication. What impacts the range of communication effectiveness in divorced parents’ co-parenting communication? There are presumably many determinants that impact communication effectiveness. One key factor correlation worthy of exploration is the primary reason for divorce.

            Ample research has been conducted regarding divorced parents and communication. There are several themes found throughout this past research that are related to this current study in which information has been gathered. These themes include emotional involvement, motivations, effective communication strategies, conflict, and communication satisfaction. The knowledge of these themes provides a necessary basis on which to build further research.

Emotion

            There is often a lot of emotion involved in any aspect of divorce. Firstly, the parents experience many emotions after their divorce. Woods (2008) found that there were two key emotional aspects observed. First, that “Parents seemed emotionally strained and lonely after divorce” (p. 18). These negative emotions can wear on a parent and could impact their communication. Nelson (2016) stated “My findings suggest that effective interpersonal communication depends, in part, on the affective state of the communicator” (p. 1). Secondly Woods found, “Parents seemed happier and had an absence of negativity in their life” (p. 18). Though divorce has a negative connotation to it, it is assumed that divorcees will receive emotional positives from the decision. It is vital to consider the emotional investment involved with divorce because it could impact many other aspects of the situation, involving communication.  Willén (2015) discussed that enduring conflict and hostile interactions is sometimes related to negative emotions and has a detrimental impact on children. While, "Well-adjusted parents make flexible, functional and situation-appropriate use of the whole spectrum of emotion regulation strategies in positive feedback loops between situations and systemically between parents and between parents and children" (p. 356). These findings contribute to the proof of the effect of emotional involvement in divorce. Ganong (2012) supports this idea, explaining “Technology did not make co-parenting easier if parents were contentious” (p. 397). Emotion is a vital component that needs to be heavily considered when researching divorced parents.

Motivations

            The motivations of divorced parents also play an integral part in the communication in divorce. According to Ganong, Coleman, Markham, Rothrauff (2011) mothers were more likely to co-parent in the future if they thought co-parenting was important. However, fathers did not have this same correlation (p. 11-12). Parents’ motivations can also change depending on what they think is best for their children. “When parents think that it is beneficial to their child to communicate with their ex-spouse they are more likely to do so” (p. 13).

            Motivations can also affect divorced parents negatively. Kluwer states, "It is concluded that unforgiving motivations can have both intrapersonal and interpersonal negative effects for divorced parents, but only when contact is frequent or intended” (p. 818).

Conflict

            The presence and effects of conflict is a corresponding theme when discussing divorced parents’ communication. Whiteside (1998) said, "Although approximately 57% of divorced parents perceive their relationship with their former spouse as cooperative, 44% describe having mild to intense on-going conflict and difficulties” (as cited in Afifti & Schrodt, 2001, p. 143) Conflict repeatedly had negative effects on all aspects of divorced parents’ communication. According to Ahrons & Rodgers (1987), “In particular, research indicates that a high degree of conflict between former spouses is one of the strongest detrimental influences on children and parent–child relations, perhaps more so than the divorce itself” (as cited in Afifti & Schrodt, 2001, p. 142). There is continual evidence that children put in the middle of conflict in which parents disclose negative information about the other parent can receive detrimental effects. “These can include depression, anxiety and skewed knowledge of what effective communication looks like” (Afifti & Schrodt, 2001, p. 142-143). Ganong et al. (2011) reiterated that, “Interparental conflicts are related to greater risks of problems for children (Arditti & Bickley, 1996), and poorer parent-child relationships in the long term (Ahrons, 2007)” (p. 2). Conflict is such an integral part of divorced parents’ communication. Therefore, it needs to be considered when researching the topic.

Effective Communication Strategies

            A common reason divorced parents’ communication is studied is to help parents know how to communicate more effectively. Thus, many studies discovered communication techniques that work well.  For example Baum (2003) states, "A supportive and cooperative co-parenting relationship is associated with positive child adjustment” (as cited in Ganong et. al, 2011, p. 2). Another strategy from Gumina (2009) found one of the common themes of communicating the decision to divorce to their children is “Avoid Negative Communications About Your Spouse in Front of the Children During the First and Subsequent Conversations About the Divorce; Do Not Vent to the Children or Communicate Through Them” (p. 225). Taylor (2005) found that when divorced parents treat their relationship as business oriented it seems to be more effective. Taking emotion out of the relationship helps the communication to be more focused and effective (p. 159). Another observation found, “The more competent parents were perceived to be, the less ambiguity children perceived during discussions” (McManus & Donovan, 2012, p. 265). Technology could also take a part in the effective co-parental communication. Ganong et. al (2012) states, “For parents in effective coparenting relationships, communication technologies made it easier for them to plan and make conjoint decisions about their child” (p. 397). Another example of effective communication techniques is that, "Well-adjusted parents make flexible, functional and situation-appropriate use of the whole spectrum of emotion regulation strategies in positive feedback loops between situations and systemically between parents and between parents and children” (Willen, 2005, p. 356). All of these strategies are imperative when researching divorced parents’ co-parental communication because the end goal is fairly similar; improve effective communication among divorced parents’.

            The key problem to be researched is that divorced parents do not always communicate effectively with each other to co-parent, which can cause added stress to the overall situation. Each divorce situation is unique, but why does the effective communication differ so much? Exploring the correlation between reason for divorce and communication effectiveness will aid parents by allowing them to recognize the typical patterns if applicable and make a conscious effort to communicate more effectively. Is there a correlation between the primary reason(s) for divorce and divorced parents’ communication effectiveness while co-parenting?

Methods

            The method I will be using to research my topic is a structured interview. The people whom I will interview will be divorced parents who share custody of at least one child under the age of 18. The parents will ideally be divorced for at least one year before taking part in the research. I chose this sample because parents often no longer have custody over a child who is over the age of 18. I chose parents who share custody due to the necessary communication that takes place between parents in shared custody. I chose parents who had been divorced for over one year because communication could be different in the first year due to the new divorce situation. The interviews will be in person, one parent at a time. There will be a list of questions asked to each interviewee, focusing on co-parenting with their ex-spouse and their primary reason for divorce. The questions will be structured starting with least emotional and in-depth and progressively getting more intense. One key reason I chose to use an interview method was due to the emotionally charged aspect of the research. Also, if any question needs to be clarified the interviewer may do so. The variables I will be focusing on in my research are the effectiveness of divorced co-parental communication and the primary reason for divorce. The following are groups of questions that will be asked during each interview with follow up questions as needed.

Questions

Demographics

• What is your first and last name? How old are you? Where do you live?

General questions about divorce

• When did you get divorced? What is the custody arrangement with your ex-spouse?

Reason for divorce

• Do you feel there was a primary reason for your divorce? If so, what was it?

Effective communication

• What do you think effective communication looks like in general? In regards to co-parenting? In regards to divorce? In regards to divorced co-parenting?

Co-parental communication

• What forms of communication do you use to communicate with your ex-spouse when co-parenting? Phone, email, text, in person or other? What is it like to co-parent with your ex-spouse? How effective do you think your communication to co-parent is?

            The general questions about divorce will allow us to examine any other possible correlations or factors that affect effective communication. The questions about reason for divorce will segment the participants in order to observe whether reason for divorce correlates with effective communication. Discussing effective communication allows us to define what it looks like according to the participants. Co-parental communication is the other variable we will study and its correlation with effective communication.

 

 

References

Afifi, T. D., & Schrodt, P. (2003). "Feeling caught" as a mediator of adolescents' and young         adults' avoidance and satisfaction with their parents in divorced and non-divorced            households. Communication Monographs, 70(2), 142-173.

 

Ganong, L. H., Coleman, M., Feistman, R., Jamison, T., & Stafford Markham, M. (2012).

 

Communication Technology and Postdivorce Coparenting. Family Relations, 61(3), 397-409.

 

Ganong, L. H., Coleman, M., Markham, M., & Rothrauff, T. (2011). Predicting Postdivorce            Coparental Communication. Journal Of Divorce & Remarriage, 52(1), 1-18.        doi:10.1080/10502556.2011.534391

 

Gumina, J. M. (2009). Communication of the Decision to Divorce: A Retrospective Qualitative     Study. Journal Of Divorce & Remarriage, 50(3), 220-232.          doi:10.1080/10502550902717921

 

KLUWER, E. S. (2016). Unforgiving motivations among divorced parents: Moderation of contact             intention and contact frequency. Personal Relationships, 23(4), 818-833.

 

McManus, T. G., & Donovan, S. (2012). Communication Competence and Feeling Caught:            Explaining Perceived Ambiguity in Divorce-Related Communication. Communication      Quarterly, 60(2), 255-277. doi:10.1080/01463373.2012.669328

 

NELSON, D. W. (2016). ENHANCING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: POSITIVE MOOD        EFFECTS. Social Behavior & Personality: An International Journal, 44(9), 1535-1539.       doi:10.2224/sbp.2016.44.9.1535

 

Taylor, R. J. (2005). Treating Your Divorced Ex-Spouse with C.A.R.E.: A Model for Post-Divorce

 

Communication. Journal Of Divorce & Remarriage, 43(3/4), 157-163.        doi:10.1300/J087v43n03•09

 

Willén, H. (2015). Challenges for Divorced Parents: Regulating Negative Emotions in Post-          Divorce Relationships. Australian & New Zealand Journal Of Family Therapy, 36(3), 356-          370. doi:10.1002/anzf.1115

 

Woods, J. (2008). The Self-Disclosure of Children of Divorce. Conference Papers -- National        Communication Association, 1.